I am an avid reader of Nicole’s daily affirmations. I savor the words and meaning and hold them like jigsaw pieces to see how and where they fit in my story. Also like a jigsaw puzzle, each fitted piece reveals a grander, surprising, and beautiful picture of my journey!

As a transgender woman, I can only share my anecdotal experiences, but I hope my self discoveries may help lead you to your own. Every day I learn how we have more in common than you might think! So consider this.

How may I explain? Are you looking for affirmation from others? Perhaps, you’re seeking understanding from others?

I think back to an exchange I had with a (I believe) cis-woman regarding what defines my woman hood. I don’t remember the specifics, although I imagine I could find them if you truly are, but I remember responding to here with questions about what defines her womanhood and sharing some of my thoughts in hope of finding some common ground. Her response was abrupt and authoritative, “I am not defined by you!”

Now, that obviously wasn’t my intent. I actually was looking for the inverse to find parts of her identity with resonated me and use those as a bridge for further communication, but, be that as it may, her words stuck with me. What does define us? What makes us female or women? Yes, being female or a woman are not exactly the same thing, but they are intertwined, at least in my limited understanding. That isn’t the point. The point is, that if she isn’t defined by my thoughts and ideas, than I and you are not in turn defined by hers. We are only defined by our own understandings of ourselves. [Elon Musk, your opinion means diddley squat!]

That is the point, but my exploration doesn’t stop here. Far from it, since every reflection has a reflection. At some point, our understanding, our words, depend upon what others have shared about their experiences in terms of our own experience. 

• Perhaps it was your mother teaching you that skunk spray smells bad. I remember reading that one person had been taught that it smelled like a beautiful flower and loved the smell to this day. 
• Perhaps you internalized the concept of beautiful woman from magazine photos and dolls of a figure of idealized proportions.
• Perhaps Barbara Eden of “I Dream of Jeannie” or some other TV sitcom was your model of what an ideal woman should be? OK, I watched it avidly, but please? Her character is not a good example. Her Mother on the other hand…

I’ve stuck to a few examples of womanhood, but this could apply to anything. A good leader (politics), a good athlete, a great citizen (morals and ethics), or even a good friend. The last one is really interesting if you explore it. What, in your opinion, makes a truly good friend? Now, discuss this with your friends. At the surface I expect you agree, but as you delve into examples and specific concerns?… Give it a try and let me know what you discover!

I can’t speak for you; I can only speak for myself. The thing is, my concepts come from a mixture of experiences, outside input, and validating subsequent experiences. Are they the truth? Are they the basis for anything more than my opinion?

It is evident that they are not definitive, but they are the lodestones that guide me, and they are the compasses that guide you. Small wonder that our opinions of which way is North differs! Still our opinions matter. 

Don’t accept without examination that some other opinion is more valid. I don’t care if Einstein said it. If it is valid, it will withstand your examination and questioning. So, while reflections matter, at some point we need to examine ourselves and identify what we understand to be our innermost understanding about ourselves.

At some point, we need to trust our hearts and not the mirror in front of us.