I am also here to catch you

People just don’t get it. They say we are out of touch with reality. They argue that we don’t understand biological truth. They believe that if we just tried to conform to their understanding of the world, we would discover that we had been wrong all along and live a happier, better life.

First, the biggest glaring thing to me is the idea that we should conform to their understanding. But consider, do all of “them” agree with each other? Why should anyone conform to anyone else’s understanding of the world? This isn’t to say we should deny reality, but it seems that many people seem to think reality is both well understood and defined, when in fact we are still learning by using tools like the scientific method to explore and better understand the reality that surrounds all of us. 

Most people understand that gravity makes us heavy and is the force that makes things fall. The idea that heavier objects don’t fall faster, however, is not intuitive. Before Galileo, the Aristotelian view held that the speed at which objects fell was proportional to their weight: heavier objects were believed to fall faster than lighter ones. Do you remember learning about this as a child? Did you also believe heavier objects would fall faster? That is why it had to be proven.

Galileo is said to have dropped objects from the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa to make this very point. It is a legendary demonstration, and a pivotal moment in the development of modern physics, which is shrouded in myth and misconception. Contrary to popular belief, however, Galileo did not actually drop objects from the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

“Wait!” you cry! “He must have really dropped objects from the tower! I am sure that is a fact, isn’t it?” Perhaps fact and truth are not as evident as we believe. Even so, that doesn’t change the reality of how objects fall. 

Likewise, we could argue forever about whether being transgender is a new thing, or if it is an element of “gender ideology”. But honestly, I don’t really care what you think about being transgender or transgenderism, not unless it matters to you because it helps you understand yourself and your existence. Not unless it helps take away the shame and guilt society has imposed on you for nonconformance to expected gendered behaviors and sexual orientation.

Let me say this again. If you think transgenderism is an ideology, or if you think being transgender is some kind of newfangled concept, I don’t care! These are only words and terms that we have developed in the last 50 or so years to better describe how some people live and exist without choosing names loaded with judgement.

In the 70’s, I was called a “fag” or “faggot”. It is really odd, since I never really exhibited or pursued same sex relationships. I also didn’t have the mannerisms that were often stereotypically associated with gay men. But, because I knew my feelings inside, knew how I felt, and what I wished to be, the words struck a nerve. And when people use words like that, and they elicit a reaction, the words stick.

The words stick, and they confuse the one labeled. I looked at myself in the mirror and tried to see the inner me. I looked at my reflection and tried to visualize myself as a gay man. The image didn’t bother me, but it wasn’t me. Of course, I had no idea what a gay man might really be. I mean, growing up in a privileged prep school in the 1970’s, my image of gay was more informed by sitcoms like Three’s Company and Bosom Buddies. Those two-dimensional portrayals of stereotypical gay behaviors by “closeted straight men” were about as close to reality as Donald Trump is to being a virile young man!

People are of all races, economic backgrounds, cultural origins, and native languages. We are tall and short, fat and skinny, strong and weak. We are men, women, or some other category. We all become teachers, businesspeople, lawyers, politicians, doctors, nurses, religious leaders, artists, construction workers, service industry workers, chefs, or… the list goes on. Some of us succeed, some of us fail. Some of us marry. Some of us become parents and raise children. Some of us care, some of us don’t care, and a few of us actually follow through on our caring and make a difference.

That of all of those different people described above, some can be called cisgender or transgender men, cisgender or transgender women, or nonbinary, is not remarkable or new! The labels may be new to you. They may be new in terms of world history. But the labels are only descriptors. The people they describe have always existed.

As a ten-year-old in 1972, I had never heard the term transgender. I didn’t know or learn what a transgender person might be until decades later. I tell you, I now know I was transgender then. The word didn’t create me; it simply fits me. The description doesn’t define me; it describes me. The word doesn’t encompass me; it highlights an aspect of me. In 1972, many of my peers thought I might be gay. They certainly called me gay. But that identity doesn’t fit me. It certainly doesn’t encompass me. 

Was I born biologically male, as some like to reference? Probably, but not for certain. I have some characteristics that could be intersex. But I haven’t gone to a doctor or been tested to determine if I’m intersex or not. Being intersex for me does not matter anymore than being born male or female. I am the person I am. I am a woman. I was designated male at birth, and after many struggles my sexual characteristics are now fully in alignment with being female. I am me, I am happy, and I will not apologize! 

I will also defend anyone I see being oppressed, regardless of their nationality, gender, sex, or any other characteristics that may be used to discriminate against them. I hope you will do the same for me.

Yes, I need you to catch me when I am falling. I am also here to catch you when you are falling. We are people. Whoever you are, you are a person like us and you have value. 

You don’t have to be:

• transgender
• LGBTQ 
• a person of color
• an immigrant
• of another religion or faith
• any other oppressed category

You only need to care.